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Why do
women fake?
Some do it to avoid disappointing their partner. Some women wish to
avoid continued intercourse, and fake orgasm to bring things to a
conclusion. A lot of women are given the message that they are "less
than" women if they do not have an orgasm. Some women realize that
their partner is really trying and want to reward his efforts even
though they didn't come.
Some women are afraid of damaging their partner's ego... Let's face
it, some men
DO
feel mighty sensitive if his partner doesn't come.
Can a
man tell if a woman fakes an orgasm?
The best way to tell if a woman has faked an orgasm is by the way she
acts afterwards. Women usually take a couple minutes to "come down"
after good sex and an orgasm. If the woman you're with is immediately
peppy and full of energy, she might be faking it.
Most women like to cuddle after sex, but a woman who does not orgasm
often does not feel as cuddly. In fact, she's often rather energetic
at a time where all that energy does not make sense - right after you
made love. She may want to make coffee, or do a little cleaning. She
will not feel close with you, and she won't feel relaxed.
As sexual tension builds, so does adrenaline. When we orgasm, the body
releases chemicals that relax the tension. That is why men often fall
asleep, and women seem dazed and dreamy right afterwards. A man or
woman who has felt sexual tension build and has not experienced
release will still be under the influence of the adrenaline.
"Was it
good for you?"
Paradoxically enough, if you're not sure if your partner really came,
and you ask her "honey, was it good for you?", you will often only
irritate her. Even worse would be to ask her "Did you come?" We all
like to feel that our partners are paying attention to what we're
feeling and experiencing in sex. It is harder to read women because
their orgasms do not include ejaculation - no woman needs to ask
"honey, did you come?" because she knows he did.
Although communication is the key to resolving this situation, it
often never gets addressed.
For one thing, a lot of men are very sensitive about their bedroom
skills, and are likely to respond with defensiveness or anger when
told that their partner did not orgasm. These men often either blame
the woman ("you're not woman enough") or simply make sure she knows
that it isn't his fault by making regrettable statements ("my OTHER partners had no complaints").
If your partners are comfortable enough with you, you can determine
more of what they really feel. But if you want your partners to trust
you enough to communicate, you must be careful not to belittle or
blame. Remember that it is harder for a woman to achieve orgasm, and
that this is not your fault. Most likely she does not think it is your
fault, either. She just feels sort of let down.
What
can I do?
You can make yourself an accessible person to your partners. Make sure
that you never say insulting or belittling things to them. You can
simply tell them that you DO care how they feel but you cannot always
tell if they have had an orgasm. Let them know that you will be more
than happy to do whatever will make it easier to come, and that if
they don't fake it, it would help you to know what they do and don't
like. Point out that if they DO fake it, and if you can't tell, it
doesn't mean you don't care but it DOES mean that you won't know.
If it's something as simple as taking more time, you're home free.
Just extend the foreplay.
If it's that she needs a different position, or only experiences
orgasms with oral sex, that is certainly something you can work on.
Always let your partners know that you want them to experience as much
pleasure as you do,
and that you would like to know what you do that feels good, or that
they don't care for. Let
them know that you won't have hurt feelings, and it will help you to
please them.
If a
woman you're with fakes it after you have sincerely communicated this
to her, it is her issue and not anything to do with you.
If you find sex a way to share and communicate pleasure, and your
partners know this, it should be good every time, even if one of you
doesn't always orgasm. |
